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Dear Harriet Harman
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Dear Harriet Harman
From Sophie, Asda
Dear Harriet,
My mates and me think you should be made Prime Minster ‘cos your always stickin’ up for us wimnen. My mum says you’re a bloody idjut but what does she know? Old fart, past it she is, she used to get knocked up regular, ever year without fail when she was on the tabs or pissed out of her skull.
What me and my mates from Asda want to know is whether it’s the supermarket that gets sued if some geezer say he likes our tits, or the bloke who said it? We don’t want our boyfriends coming in and callin us, just to help us out like, if they're going to be getting into trouble. And anyway it's no good suing them when they're only on benefits is it?
As I said to my Kevin, "It aint every bleedin' day that a checkout girl get's the chance to set herself up in bizness, unless she's going on the game. Oh that reminds me, take my advice and dump the flak jacket, pet, it makes you look like a pear with legs and yes, your bum did look big in it.
Anyway you are a lawyer so how do fancy making a bit on the side and I don't mean by going on the game love, 'cos you'd end up broke, no I was wondering if you fancied being our legal advisor? You know teaching us how to bend the law, like Ed Balls, David Cameron and all those other geezers buying their houses on the taxpayer, crafty bastards!
INSULTS 'R' US.COM that's my new bisness name, sounds better than, Sophie at checkout 9, don't it? Anyway what we're going to do is pay blokes to go round making sexist sujestions to girls in supemarkets, coffee bars, pubs and anywhere where women comes into contact with the public. For fifty quid a throw we'll get some bloke to go and chat em up too so that the girls can sue their bosses. I mean a £100,000 pound payout for a measly hundred and fifty quid outlay's pretty good innit?
What we want you to do is sue the arse out of the bastard employers who won't pay up. Us who are on mimimum wage.
We are, Duck, and on a bleedin' 25 hour a week contract. That's a £150 a week gross before payin' tax, which that bastard Brown's putting up for us lower paid workers.
Where did they find that w.....er!
So we work for almost nowt and because of the hours we have to claim benefits too. How much are the supermarkets bunging you lot to subside their workforce? I got subside from that posh bird newscaster on TV, she's a bit of all right she is, enough to make me want to turn gay.
Harriet, sweetheart, I reckon we could afford to pay you up to two grand a week once we get goin', but it will have to be fifty quid to start off with, unless you would rather be a partner - my partner if you catch my drift. *wink*.
How about it Harriet, do you fancy making my day? *Annuvver Wink*
Yours hopefully
Sophie, from Asda.
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